It is the holiday season, and I don't want to celebrate it. I miss my dad. He died almost one year ago, December 23 is the day. I've had a lot of flashbacks to the time in the hospital. I've become extremely scared of my kids getting sick. Olivia was admitted to the hospital for dehydration due to a virus that stayed a little too long. It was scary, and traumatizing. Even Emily was nervous. She was worried Olivia was going to die. She asked questions and talked about Grandpa dying in the hospital. It made me sad that she has dealt with that, and sad that she doesn't have him around to dote on her. Mark gave my girls and me a blessing when we were all sick. He talked about my dad and how he wanted me to be happy and not so sad, and that he loved me so much. The things he said were things my dad would have said. It was comforting.


Great things are happening in our life, and I feel bad that my dad doesn't get to experience them with us. He would be so excited and satisfied that we are building a house in a city we love. He would be thrilled that Emily is the best reader in her preschool class. I miss him. I feel so sad that he was suffering.