Thursday, June 16, 2016
Feeling Close to My Dad
I was really struggling last month, with not feeling good, with anxiety that has developed since my dad's death, and with missing my dad. Mark gave me a blessing that was so comforting to me. I've had two now, since his death, and I never feel so close to my dad as I do then. It is my connection to him. It proves that he still lives. In the blessing it said that my dad is watching over my girls and seeing what they are doing. That he loves me and is proud of me and is aware of what I am going through. I was also blessed to know that I will have a long time with my kids and family. I am always afraid now, that I will lose my kids or Mark, or something will happen to me and my kids will be without a mom. It terrifies me. This blessing was of great comfort to me, even though now I don't remember it all, but the feeling I have of my Dad being very near was very comforting.
Father's Day is Approaching
I think about my dad everyday, not just with Father's Day coming, but having Father's Day upon us makes me analyze my thoughts more. Though, I say analyze, they really are still just a jumbled mess.
What would I say is one of the overall messages I got from my dad? My dad was a huge support to me. He cared for me, and he listened to me. He was good at it. He knew how to get me talking. He would say, "So what else is going on?" He would tell me how much he loved me and prayed for me. He always told me how I was going to do great things and succeed; that things would always work out. He always showed his concern, in a positive way. I look back on that, and think how amazing that was. I don't know if I completely understood how amazing that was at the time, but I sure miss it now. I don't know if I thought he was too optimistic or not in touch, or if I thought anything at all about it. Now I think, I want to be that for my kids.
The other message I've gotten from my dad, is that he was unwavering in his belief in God and his commitment to his church. He was such a servant to God, and was always helping people. I believe even in his last few days, he was unwavering in God's plan for him. He was a fighter. He tried to live, but he knew he was needed somewhere else. I think he held on a little longer for us, for us to wrap our heads around what was happening. He did not seem afraid of what was happening. That gives me comfort. This has helped me persevere. His death made and sometimes still makes me questions a lot of things, but I try to push it aside, and be like my dad; believing and obedient.
I miss him more than everything. I miss that he can't see my successes. Nothing would make him happier. I wish he could see how cute and amazing and smart my girls are. I wish he could see our new home we are building. I wish he could be here to comfort my mom, and take away her sadness. He completed her. She is a survivor, and she will overcome, but I wish she had him too.
I love you Daddy. Happy Father's Day! Emily wants to celebrate this day for you, even though you are not here, and I agree. She wanted to get you a card and send you a balloon in heaven. She believes heaven is very close to earth. I love that thought.
What would I say is one of the overall messages I got from my dad? My dad was a huge support to me. He cared for me, and he listened to me. He was good at it. He knew how to get me talking. He would say, "So what else is going on?" He would tell me how much he loved me and prayed for me. He always told me how I was going to do great things and succeed; that things would always work out. He always showed his concern, in a positive way. I look back on that, and think how amazing that was. I don't know if I completely understood how amazing that was at the time, but I sure miss it now. I don't know if I thought he was too optimistic or not in touch, or if I thought anything at all about it. Now I think, I want to be that for my kids.
The other message I've gotten from my dad, is that he was unwavering in his belief in God and his commitment to his church. He was such a servant to God, and was always helping people. I believe even in his last few days, he was unwavering in God's plan for him. He was a fighter. He tried to live, but he knew he was needed somewhere else. I think he held on a little longer for us, for us to wrap our heads around what was happening. He did not seem afraid of what was happening. That gives me comfort. This has helped me persevere. His death made and sometimes still makes me questions a lot of things, but I try to push it aside, and be like my dad; believing and obedient.
I miss him more than everything. I miss that he can't see my successes. Nothing would make him happier. I wish he could see how cute and amazing and smart my girls are. I wish he could see our new home we are building. I wish he could be here to comfort my mom, and take away her sadness. He completed her. She is a survivor, and she will overcome, but I wish she had him too.
I love you Daddy. Happy Father's Day! Emily wants to celebrate this day for you, even though you are not here, and I agree. She wanted to get you a card and send you a balloon in heaven. She believes heaven is very close to earth. I love that thought.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)