In My Dreams

My dad hasn't appeared in my dreams for quite sometime. I've really wanted to experience life with him, even if it was just in a dream state. I dreamed about him a lot after he died, but this last while I've noticed, I haven't. In my dreams, my dad is just like he was in real life- supportive, genuine, non-assuming, and not judgmental. He went about his life, just getting on and being a good person. He usually seemed content, even though he had things he was working on or wanting to do or wasn't feeling good. I think he had an appreciation or realization that life is about the moments. I get that now. You just don't know how long you get to live on this earth or even just that your circumstances will change, so you appreciate it and enjoy the small things. I woke up in the night, excited he was in my dream. I remembered it then, but I couldn't fully remember it later. I remember he was really supportive of what I was wanted to do or was currently doing, and it made me happy in the dream. Somehow when I dream of him, a lot of times I have this awareness that he has died, but he is in another dimension sharing something with me. In those dreams, I relish in every moment, because I know it won't last. I'm grateful for him. I'm grateful my babies met him, and talk about him. Olivia prays for him to come alive. She cries that she doesn't get to see him. She was 4 months old when he died, and somehow she has some connection to him. Now I need to remember in my day to day life the lessons my dad taught me, and also the lesson of what his death taught me. It is hard to get caught up and forget. I hope he is happy, which I'm sure he is. I always believed in life after death, but when my dad died I questioned the whole existence of God and my religion. I've come to a place, that for me, I want life after death, so I choose to believe in it and believe in God. That concept means my dad is alive, and that he may actually be experiencing my current life with me, even if I don't recognize it. It also means I get to hug him again someday. That would be amazing- to hug him and hear his voice. It would be amazing for my kids to hug him. One day; one day!